Deadliest Catch

If you get a ticket in Florida and have to take a driver improvement class or elect to go for other reasons, go to FunnyinFlorida.com to take your test. Their price is the lowest in Florida, that I found, and they make it fun and easy-to-learn.

How can you tell where a driver is from?

1. One hand on the steering wheel, one hand laying on the horn: Chicago
2. One hand on the steering wheel, middle finger out window: New York
3. One hand on the steering wheel, middle finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey
4. One hand on the steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot pressing the accelerator pedal to the floor: Boston
5. One hand on the steering wheel, one hand on skinny double mocha cappuccino with nonfat milk froth, cradling cell phone with head, brick on accelerator: Los Angeles
6. Both hands on the steering wheel, eyes clinched shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California
7. One hand on latte, one knee on the steering wheel, cell phone held with leaning head, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle
8. One hand on the steering wheel, one hand on shotgun, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald’s bag out the window: Texas
9. Four-wheel drive bubba truck, monster tires, 30-aught-6 mounted in rear window, budweiser or natural ice cans on floor, Rebel flag attached to antenna, fishing rod holders and beer cooler mounted on grill, dog box and hunting dogs in back, Earnhardt bumper stickers all over: Alabama, Tennessee, or Mississippi - your choice. Sometimes, the backwoods of Florida.
10. Two hands gripping the steering wheel, blue and purple hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida
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Reasons for having a car crash: (my favorites are in red)

-I was on my way to the doctor with the rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have a collision.
-When I was coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
-The other car collided with mine without giving me warning of its intentions.
-To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
-I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
-A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
-The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
-In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
-The indirect cause of this collision was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
-The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.
-As I approached the intersection, a stop sign appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the collision.
-My car was legally parked as I backed into the other vehicles.
-When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
-An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished.
-I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the roadway when I struck him.
-I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
-The telephone pole was approaching fast; I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.

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My car is such a cheap heap!
How cheap of a heap is it?
It is so cheap that whenever I have a crash in it, I have to use my mouth to blow up the airbags!

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Reference: (2010) FunnyinFlorida.com website.